1
00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:04,253
(eerie music playing)

2
00:00:30,162 --> 00:00:32,782
(theme from
( the twilight zoneplaying)

3
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:43,726
(heartbeat)

4
00:00:56,172 --> 00:00:58,674
woman:
john, one egg or two?

5
00:01:00,826 --> 00:01:03,996
honey, one egg or two?

6
00:01:03,996 --> 00:01:05,498
two.

7
00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:08,167
introduction to mr. john selig,

8
00:01:08,167 --> 00:01:10,336
a reasonably average man

9
00:01:10,336 --> 00:01:11,837
who goes through life

10
00:01:11,837 --> 00:01:13,389
with both eyes open

11
00:01:13,389 --> 00:01:16,392
and both hands
firmly on the wheel.

12
00:01:16,392 --> 00:01:18,144
mr. john selig--

13
00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:19,829
practical and steady--

14
00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:22,164
who is about
to be blindsided

15
00:01:22,164 --> 00:01:24,033
by the twilight zone.

16
00:01:37,980 --> 00:01:40,349
les?

17
00:01:40,349 --> 00:01:42,401
les?

18
00:01:42,401 --> 00:01:44,086
leslie?

19
00:01:46,839 --> 00:01:48,507
leslie?

20
00:01:48,507 --> 00:01:49,525
all right, sir.

21
00:01:49,525 --> 00:01:51,410
don't worry
about a thing.

22
00:01:51,410 --> 00:01:52,661
be fixed
in a jiffy.

23
00:01:52,661 --> 00:01:53,913
but it fell...

24
00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:55,781
yes, shoddy workmanship.

25
00:01:55,781 --> 00:01:57,533
i'm sorry
about this, sir.

26
00:01:57,533 --> 00:01:59,952
it's the way things
are these days.

27
00:01:59,952 --> 00:02:01,787
always rush, rush, rush.

28
00:02:01,787 --> 00:02:04,206
nobody giving a fig for quality.

29
00:02:05,191 --> 00:02:07,059
not like the old days.

30
00:02:07,059 --> 00:02:08,944
what are
you doing?

31
00:02:08,944 --> 00:02:10,446
fixing your mirror.

32
00:02:10,446 --> 00:02:11,597
what's it look like?

33
00:02:11,597 --> 00:02:13,766
but there's
a camera back there.

34
00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:14,850
where?

35
00:02:14,850 --> 00:02:16,552
i don't see a camera.

36
00:02:17,186 --> 00:02:19,638
that's because
you've covered it up.

37
00:02:19,638 --> 00:02:20,823
did i?

38
00:02:20,823 --> 00:02:23,108
well, that's one job done.

39
00:02:23,108 --> 00:02:24,627
good day.

40
00:02:24,627 --> 00:02:25,878
hey, come back here.

41
00:02:25,878 --> 00:02:29,014
where the hell do you
think you're going?

42
00:02:29,014 --> 00:02:30,266
back to work.

43
00:02:30,266 --> 00:02:32,101
may i suggest
you do the same?

44
00:02:32,101 --> 00:02:33,302
it's nearly 9:00

45
00:02:33,302 --> 00:02:36,188
and you know how
mr. weatherall gets...

46
00:02:36,188 --> 00:02:37,356
never mind.

47
00:02:37,356 --> 00:02:38,607
never said a thing.

48
00:02:38,607 --> 00:02:39,859
good day.

49
00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:42,695
how do you know
my boss's name?

50
00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:43,262
i don't.

51
00:02:43,262 --> 00:02:44,396
you said it.

52
00:02:44,897 --> 00:02:45,948
no, i didn't.

53
00:02:45,948 --> 00:02:48,701
you must have mistaken me
for someone else.

54
00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:49,952
good day.

55
00:02:49,952 --> 00:02:52,638
are you going
to stand there all day?

56
00:02:52,638 --> 00:02:55,307
what were you
doing up there?

57
00:02:55,307 --> 00:02:56,442
up where?
upstairs.

58
00:02:56,442 --> 00:02:58,761
the mirror?
the camera?

59
00:02:58,761 --> 00:02:59,812
ah, yes, that.

60
00:02:59,812 --> 00:03:02,181
nothing whatsoever.

61
00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:04,033
a little
routine maintenance.

62
00:03:04,033 --> 00:03:05,200
it's a camera.

63
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:06,869
you've been
spying on me.

64
00:03:06,869 --> 00:03:07,953
i have not.

65
00:03:08,537 --> 00:03:11,423
look, it's all just
part of the job.

66
00:03:11,423 --> 00:03:14,510
be a good fellow
and let me get to it.

67
00:03:14,510 --> 00:03:16,262
no, i'm calling
the police.

68
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:18,581
you wouldn't want
to do that.

69
00:03:18,581 --> 00:03:20,466
no, i don't think so.

70
00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:21,033
why not?

71
00:03:21,033 --> 00:03:22,251
false complaint.

72
00:03:22,885 --> 00:03:26,005
show me where fixing
a camera's against the law.

73
00:03:26,005 --> 00:03:27,256
that's not
the point.

74
00:03:27,256 --> 00:03:29,642
i didn't put
that camera there

75
00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:31,343
in the first place.

76
00:03:31,343 --> 00:03:33,796
i don't even know
how it got there.

77
00:03:33,796 --> 00:03:35,598
then you want
installation.

78
00:03:35,598 --> 00:03:38,517
i'm sorry, that's not
my department.

79
00:03:38,517 --> 00:03:40,986
have a nice day.

80
00:03:40,986 --> 00:03:42,605
oh...

81
00:03:42,605 --> 00:03:46,275
you're not as pleasant in person
as you are on tv.

82
00:03:46,275 --> 00:03:47,876
that's it.

83
00:03:47,876 --> 00:03:49,745
iamcalling
the police.

84
00:03:49,745 --> 00:03:52,247
there's really no need
to do that.

85
00:03:52,247 --> 00:03:53,499
look, john...

86
00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:54,733
may i call you john?

87
00:03:54,733 --> 00:03:58,887
we don't want to make
too big a scene over this.

88
00:03:58,887 --> 00:04:01,657
it makes everything
too complicated.

89
00:04:01,657 --> 00:04:03,208
i'd tell you, but...

90
00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:04,259
look...

91
00:04:04,259 --> 00:04:06,712
all right,
i'll tell you

92
00:04:06,712 --> 00:04:10,299
but we've got
to stand right...

93
00:04:10,299 --> 00:04:10,933
in there.

94
00:04:10,933 --> 00:04:13,202
in the closet?

95
00:04:13,202 --> 00:04:13,769
shh.

96
00:04:14,353 --> 00:04:15,487
why there?

97
00:04:15,487 --> 00:04:17,172
it's outside camera range.

98
00:04:17,172 --> 00:04:19,525
but it's in
the bathroom.

99
00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:21,160
no, the other cameras.

100
00:04:33,906 --> 00:04:35,674
john:
all right, talk.

101
00:04:35,674 --> 00:04:38,811
archie:
i'm risking my job
telling you this.

102
00:04:38,811 --> 00:04:41,313
you're not supposed
to know, see?

103
00:04:41,313 --> 00:04:43,649
it takes all
the fun out of it.

104
00:04:43,649 --> 00:04:46,251
all the fun
out of what?

105
00:04:46,251 --> 00:04:48,053
look at my chest.

106
00:04:48,053 --> 00:04:49,805
excuse me?

107
00:04:49,805 --> 00:04:51,006
here.

108
00:04:51,006 --> 00:04:52,891
you see those letters?

109
00:04:52,891 --> 00:04:56,478
j-s-t-v in big friendly letters?

110
00:04:56,478 --> 00:04:58,230
what about it?

111
00:04:58,230 --> 00:05:01,517
it stands for
john selig television.

112
00:05:01,517 --> 00:05:05,671
you're on television.

113
00:05:06,171 --> 00:05:06,672
i am?

114
00:05:06,672 --> 00:05:07,823
yes.

115
00:05:07,823 --> 00:05:09,508
24 hours a day.

116
00:05:09,508 --> 00:05:11,160
you've got quite a following.

117
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,277
people tune in

118
00:05:12,277 --> 00:05:14,613
in the middle
of the night

119
00:05:14,613 --> 00:05:16,315
just to watch
you sleep.

120
00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:17,516
extraordinary.

121
00:05:17,516 --> 00:05:18,567
who's watching?

122
00:05:18,567 --> 00:05:19,635
oh, everybody.

123
00:05:19,635 --> 00:05:21,387
everyone who subscribes.

124
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:22,521
everyone?

125
00:05:22,521 --> 00:05:23,122
my neighbors?

126
00:05:23,122 --> 00:05:25,324
all the people i know?

127
00:05:25,324 --> 00:05:26,925
they were quite helpful.

128
00:05:26,925 --> 00:05:30,496
helped us set up cameras
for maximum coverage.

129
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,998
your job, your car,
the office...

130
00:05:32,998 --> 00:05:35,567
living room,
den, bathroom...

131
00:05:35,567 --> 00:05:37,770
that one was less than perfect.

132
00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:38,854
bedroom, kitchen...

133
00:05:38,854 --> 00:05:41,040
bedroom?

134
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,826
well, it is a cable service.

135
00:05:44,376 --> 00:05:46,378
adults only,
that sort of thing.

136
00:05:46,378 --> 00:05:47,880
well, now you know.

137
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,749
so if you'll excuse me...

138
00:05:51,784 --> 00:05:52,951
i don't
believe you.

139
00:05:53,569 --> 00:05:54,820
how could
this happen

140
00:05:54,820 --> 00:05:56,705
without someone
telling me?

141
00:05:56,705 --> 00:05:57,956
shh!

142
00:05:57,956 --> 00:06:00,375
if you knew, you'd
act differently.

143
00:06:00,375 --> 00:06:03,796
it would take all
the fun out, like i said.

144
00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:05,781
everyone on the service
signs a contract

145
00:06:05,781 --> 00:06:08,167
specifying they won't
spill the beans.

146
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:09,785
gives folks you know

147
00:06:09,785 --> 00:06:10,953
a chance
to be on tv.

148
00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:12,488
(beeping)

149
00:06:12,488 --> 00:06:15,958
(on radio):
archie, call nine.

150
00:06:15,958 --> 00:06:16,508
i have to go.

151
00:06:16,508 --> 00:06:18,377
now be a good fellow

152
00:06:18,377 --> 00:06:20,579
and don't tell anyone
i told you.

153
00:06:21,096 --> 00:06:22,214
all right?

154
00:06:29,521 --> 00:06:32,124
leslie:
john?

155
00:06:32,124 --> 00:06:34,159
your breakfast
is ready.

156
00:06:34,159 --> 00:06:36,662
you better eat it
before it gets cold.

157
00:06:36,662 --> 00:06:39,798
haven't you finished
dressing yet?

158
00:06:39,798 --> 00:06:41,667
did you see
that man?

159
00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:42,885
what man?

160
00:06:42,885 --> 00:06:44,136
he came right
into the bathroom.

161
00:06:44,136 --> 00:06:45,387
i spent ten minutes with him
in the closet.

162
00:06:45,387 --> 00:06:47,256
did you sleep
all right?

163
00:06:47,256 --> 00:06:48,507
i slept fine.

164
00:06:48,507 --> 00:06:50,392
this morning
is the problem.

165
00:06:50,392 --> 00:06:54,146
i have no idea what
you're talking about.

166
00:06:54,146 --> 00:06:55,397
oh, i got to go.

167
00:06:55,397 --> 00:06:57,266
have a nice day, honey.

168
00:06:57,266 --> 00:07:00,302
(whispering)
don't blow it for us.

169
00:07:00,302 --> 00:07:01,937
the ratings
are terrific.

170
00:07:03,188 --> 00:07:03,822
bye.

171
00:07:13,582 --> 00:07:15,367
let's see.

172
00:07:15,367 --> 00:07:19,988
gee, i think i left my car keys
around here somewhere.

173
00:07:20,489 --> 00:07:22,674
i think i'll look for them.

174
00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:46,982
(camera shuts down)

175
00:08:11,590 --> 00:08:13,458
(camera shuts down)

176
00:08:23,302 --> 00:08:25,170
(camera shuts down)

177
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:30,809
(phone ringing)

178
00:08:30,809 --> 00:08:32,678
yes?

179
00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:33,929
woman:
this is to inform you

180
00:08:33,929 --> 00:08:35,180
that destruction
of company property

181
00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:37,065
is to be avoided at all costs.

182
00:08:37,065 --> 00:08:38,317
please inform maintenance

183
00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:40,819
and do not touch
the equipment again.

184
00:08:40,819 --> 00:08:42,688
thank you.

185
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:44,573
try and stop me!

186
00:08:54,583 --> 00:08:56,468
(phone ringing)

187
00:08:57,269 --> 00:08:59,721
(camera shuts down)

188
00:08:59,721 --> 00:09:02,024
(ringing)

189
00:09:02,024 --> 00:09:03,242
hello.

190
00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:05,127
you were warned.

191
00:09:05,127 --> 00:09:06,962
(dial tone)

192
00:09:06,962 --> 00:09:09,464
(doorbell rings)

193
00:09:12,668 --> 00:09:13,919
mr. selig?
yes?

194
00:09:13,919 --> 00:09:14,553
you're to
come with us.

195
00:09:15,170 --> 00:09:15,804
hey, let me go.

196
00:09:15,804 --> 00:09:17,673
where are you taking me?

197
00:09:17,673 --> 00:09:18,924
my-my coat.

198
00:09:18,924 --> 00:09:20,559
come on, guys.

199
00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:24,413
i don't know who you are
but you can't do this to me.

200
00:09:24,413 --> 00:09:26,915
you should have
told us sooner.

201
00:09:31,003 --> 00:09:35,007
you've gone and done
it now, haven't you?

202
00:09:35,007 --> 00:09:35,557
done what?

203
00:09:36,058 --> 00:09:37,175
where are we going?

204
00:09:37,175 --> 00:09:39,311
into some very
big trouble.

205
00:09:42,264 --> 00:09:46,134
yes, some very
serious trouble indeed.

206
00:09:47,252 --> 00:09:50,238
smile at the birdie, mr. selig.

207
00:10:02,434 --> 00:10:04,236
john:
who are they?

208
00:10:04,236 --> 00:10:05,420
archie:
fans.

209
00:10:05,420 --> 00:10:06,054
john:
whose?

210
00:10:06,054 --> 00:10:07,105
yours.

211
00:10:07,105 --> 00:10:08,357
now that the secrets out,

212
00:10:08,357 --> 00:10:10,242
they can all come
out of the woodwork.

213
00:10:10,492 --> 00:10:12,961
(excited screaming)

214
00:10:12,961 --> 00:10:15,530
all those hormones
repressed for five years.

215
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:18,367
disgusting, isn't it?

216
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:20,202
they'd rip the clothes

217
00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:22,704
right off you in a
second, just like that.

218
00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:26,541
do you really think so?

219
00:10:31,997 --> 00:10:34,199
(excited screaming)

220
00:11:01,893 --> 00:11:03,462
go ahead.

221
00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:05,113
try it.

222
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,643
archie:
typical,
isn't it?

223
00:11:19,661 --> 00:11:23,448
all these channels,
nothing interesting on.

224
00:11:26,802 --> 00:11:27,836
(phone rings)

225
00:11:27,836 --> 00:11:29,988
yes, i'll bring him in.

226
00:11:36,361 --> 00:11:38,497
if you please,
mr. selig.

227
00:11:38,497 --> 00:11:39,231
this way.

228
00:11:56,214 --> 00:11:56,915
ah, mr. selig.

229
00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:58,049
arthur spence.

230
00:11:58,667 --> 00:11:59,918
nice to meet you.

231
00:11:59,918 --> 00:12:01,803
please, take a seat.

232
00:12:01,803 --> 00:12:03,638
make yourself
comfortable.

233
00:12:04,723 --> 00:12:07,392
would you care for a cigar?

234
00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:08,894
something to drink?

235
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:11,897
no, thank you.

236
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:13,031
comfortable?

237
00:12:13,031 --> 00:12:14,649
yes, thanks.

238
00:12:14,649 --> 00:12:16,518
good, good.

239
00:12:19,287 --> 00:12:20,405
now, then, mr. selig.

240
00:12:21,022 --> 00:12:22,073
what the hell

241
00:12:22,073 --> 00:12:23,875
are you trying
to do to us?

242
00:12:23,875 --> 00:12:24,993
what am i...?

243
00:12:24,993 --> 00:12:26,678
what are you doing to me?

244
00:12:26,678 --> 00:12:27,679
to you?

245
00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:30,182
my dear mr. selig,
look around you.

246
00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:33,185
this is a multimillion-dollar
business.

247
00:12:33,185 --> 00:12:34,186
when we first...

248
00:12:34,686 --> 00:12:36,688
whenyoufirst went on,
we couldn't get

249
00:12:36,688 --> 00:12:38,690
$100 for a 30-second commercial.

250
00:12:38,690 --> 00:12:42,727
now we're right up there--
$100,000 for a 30-second spot.

251
00:12:42,727 --> 00:12:45,881
this was accomplished
through long, hard hours

252
00:12:45,881 --> 00:12:47,632
of careful work.

253
00:12:47,632 --> 00:12:50,769
now when we're just
about to break even,

254
00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:53,071
when we're just
clearing our deficits,

255
00:12:53,071 --> 00:12:54,139
you pull this?

256
00:12:56,858 --> 00:12:59,311
soyoudecided
to do all this.

257
00:12:59,311 --> 00:12:59,895
me?

258
00:12:59,895 --> 00:13:01,146
no, wasn't me.

259
00:13:01,146 --> 00:13:02,397
then who?

260
00:13:02,397 --> 00:13:04,232
who?

261
00:13:04,232 --> 00:13:06,117
who decided
you should pay taxes?

262
00:13:06,117 --> 00:13:10,155
who decided you should get up
at 8:00 to go to work?

263
00:13:10,155 --> 00:13:11,540
who decides
what money you use?

264
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:12,541
fashions you wear?

265
00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:13,792
i don't know.

266
00:13:13,792 --> 00:13:15,043
same guy.

267
00:13:15,043 --> 00:13:17,362
you can't put my life
on television.

268
00:13:17,362 --> 00:13:18,497
i have rights.

269
00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:20,015
oh, yeah?

270
00:13:20,015 --> 00:13:21,900
this is the constitution
of the united states

271
00:13:22,517 --> 00:13:23,768
and the bill of rights.

272
00:13:23,768 --> 00:13:25,237
show me where it says

273
00:13:25,237 --> 00:13:28,223
that i can't
put you on tv.

274
00:13:28,223 --> 00:13:29,474
that's a technicality.

275
00:13:31,176 --> 00:13:32,961
aw, mr. selig.

276
00:13:32,961 --> 00:13:37,048
let's cut right through
to the heart of the matter,

277
00:13:37,048 --> 00:13:38,700
shall we?

278
00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:40,752
during the past five years,

279
00:13:40,752 --> 00:13:45,090
you have become an institution
on american television.

280
00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:46,224
people like you.

281
00:13:46,224 --> 00:13:51,162
hell, i watch you play bridge
every friday with the clearsons.

282
00:13:51,162 --> 00:13:52,597
he cheats by the way.

283
00:13:52,597 --> 00:13:53,782
we have a better
view of his hand.

284
00:13:53,782 --> 00:13:56,751
i always thought as much.

285
00:13:56,751 --> 00:13:57,886
no, wait a minute.

286
00:13:57,886 --> 00:13:59,754
i don't understand.

287
00:13:59,754 --> 00:14:00,906
why me?

288
00:14:01,473 --> 00:14:03,225
what's so interesting about me?

289
00:14:03,225 --> 00:14:05,310
you know marilyn carstairs?

290
00:14:05,310 --> 00:14:07,979
the woman on all
the tv game shows.

291
00:14:07,979 --> 00:14:09,214
okay.

292
00:14:09,214 --> 00:14:10,432
you tell me.

293
00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:12,934
what was the last thing
she actually did

294
00:14:12,934 --> 00:14:14,185
that made her famous?

295
00:14:14,819 --> 00:14:18,023
can't come up
with a thing, can you?

296
00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:20,375
don't feel badly.

297
00:14:20,375 --> 00:14:22,711
neither can anybody else.

298
00:14:22,711 --> 00:14:24,596
but she's on tv.

299
00:14:24,596 --> 00:14:26,881
you see,
some people are famous

300
00:14:26,881 --> 00:14:28,533
just for being famous.

301
00:14:28,533 --> 00:14:30,602
you put their face
on tv often enough

302
00:14:30,602 --> 00:14:33,638
and before you know it
they become a celebrity.

303
00:14:33,638 --> 00:14:35,640
we took that
bet on you.

304
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,343
and it paid off.

305
00:14:38,343 --> 00:14:40,211
there were down times.

306
00:14:40,211 --> 00:14:42,063
you have to expect that.

307
00:14:42,063 --> 00:14:45,183
like when you lost your job
two years ago.

308
00:14:45,183 --> 00:14:46,368
at first, the
ratings went up.

309
00:14:46,368 --> 00:14:48,787
everybody wanted to know
what was going to happen.

310
00:14:48,787 --> 00:14:53,091
but when you stayed unemployed,
the ratings went down.

311
00:14:53,091 --> 00:14:54,342
so we stepped in

312
00:14:54,342 --> 00:14:57,228
and arranged that job
for you at teldar.

313
00:14:57,228 --> 00:14:58,296
you did that?

314
00:14:58,296 --> 00:14:59,948
of course.

315
00:15:00,448 --> 00:15:01,533
mr. selig...

316
00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:06,037
you don't actually think
things happen by accident.

317
00:15:06,037 --> 00:15:09,174
haven't you
ever noticed

318
00:15:09,174 --> 00:15:12,177
how sometimes things
justseemto go your way?

319
00:15:12,177 --> 00:15:15,680
something will happen
and you'll find yourself saying,

320
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,182
"gosh,thatwas lucky"

321
00:15:17,182 --> 00:15:18,683
or "gee, wasn'tthat

322
00:15:18,683 --> 00:15:20,685
a coincidence."

323
00:15:20,685 --> 00:15:23,188
thatwould be us.

324
00:15:23,188 --> 00:15:25,290
we have
a whole department

325
00:15:25,290 --> 00:15:28,326
that looks after
happy coincidences.

326
00:15:28,326 --> 00:15:30,328
how do you think
you met leslie?

327
00:15:30,328 --> 00:15:33,098
my wife?

328
00:15:33,214 --> 00:15:35,216
hired by us.

329
00:15:35,216 --> 00:15:37,218
though i suppose

330
00:15:37,218 --> 00:15:41,206
we'll have to find
her a new spot now

331
00:15:41,206 --> 00:15:43,742
if you make
a federal case of this.

332
00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:49,114
there you have it, mr. selig.

333
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:51,116
thousands of jobs.

334
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:52,117
people's livelihood.

335
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:55,620
millions of dollars of income.

336
00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:57,622
it's all riding on you.

337
00:15:57,622 --> 00:16:00,625
can't you just forget it?

338
00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:03,328
go back to living
your life

339
00:16:03,328 --> 00:16:05,830
just the way
you did before?

340
00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:06,331
no.

341
00:16:06,331 --> 00:16:07,999
no, i can't.

342
00:16:07,999 --> 00:16:09,701
i want my privacy back.

343
00:16:09,701 --> 00:16:11,670
you have no right!

344
00:16:15,173 --> 00:16:16,174
as you wish.

345
00:16:16,174 --> 00:16:19,978
i'll have the car brought
around to take you home.

346
00:16:30,805 --> 00:16:31,823
(knocking)

347
00:16:47,238 --> 00:16:48,740
can i help you?

348
00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:49,741
it's you, isn't it?

349
00:16:49,741 --> 00:16:52,761
oh, mr. selig,
i'm your biggest fan.

350
00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:54,596
i watch you all the time.

351
00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:55,847
you're wonderful.

352
00:16:55,847 --> 00:16:57,098
thank you.

353
00:16:57,098 --> 00:16:58,983
can i have your autograph?

354
00:16:58,983 --> 00:17:00,235
i guess it couldn't hurt.

355
00:17:00,852 --> 00:17:02,654
it's all over with now.

356
00:17:02,654 --> 00:17:04,823
i want to have your baby.

357
00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:06,357
i beg your pardon?

358
00:17:06,357 --> 00:17:07,575
then a lock of hair.

359
00:17:07,575 --> 00:17:08,827
a jacket!

360
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:11,329
i think maybe you'd better go.

361
00:17:11,329 --> 00:17:11,946
please, mr. selig.

362
00:17:11,946 --> 00:17:15,083
i've come all this way.

363
00:17:15,083 --> 00:17:21,339
(excited screaming)

364
00:17:21,339 --> 00:17:23,842
i'm supposed to take you home.

365
00:17:25,093 --> 00:17:26,344
call me.

366
00:17:30,715 --> 00:17:34,352
we'll have to go out
the back way.

367
00:17:34,352 --> 00:17:36,221
and i want you to know

368
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:38,106
i got sacked
because of this.

369
00:17:38,106 --> 00:17:41,626
two weeks notice, and out--
just as cold as you please.

370
00:17:41,626 --> 00:17:44,529
i didn't mean to cause
you any trouble.

371
00:17:44,529 --> 00:17:47,549
i wish there was
something i could do.

372
00:17:49,384 --> 00:17:50,435
you just did.

373
00:17:50,435 --> 00:17:51,486
come on.

374
00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:21,416
hi.

375
00:18:21,416 --> 00:18:24,552
come on in.

376
00:18:24,552 --> 00:18:27,672
i was just going over
the fan mail.

377
00:18:27,672 --> 00:18:30,742
i had no idea so much
had been collected.

378
00:18:30,742 --> 00:18:33,244
gifts, offers of marriage...

379
00:18:33,244 --> 00:18:34,496
it's amazing.

380
00:18:34,496 --> 00:18:37,615
i just came to drop this by.

381
00:18:37,615 --> 00:18:41,369
it's a check... back pay
for the last five years.

382
00:18:41,369 --> 00:18:44,339
oh, yes, they always
intended to pay you.

383
00:18:44,339 --> 00:18:47,458
they kept it in a trust fund
until you found out

384
00:18:47,458 --> 00:18:49,961
or the show got cancelled.

385
00:18:49,961 --> 00:18:53,198
but that's a lot of money.

386
00:18:54,415 --> 00:18:56,951
yes, i suppose it is.

387
00:18:57,902 --> 00:18:59,971
what are you doing?

388
00:18:59,971 --> 00:19:01,172
company equipment.

389
00:19:01,172 --> 00:19:04,209
not needed around here
much more, is it?

390
00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:06,094
the show's been cancelled.

391
00:19:06,094 --> 00:19:09,214
now that you know,
it's not much fun anymore.

392
00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:11,199
then it's really over?

393
00:19:11,199 --> 00:19:14,285
sorry, not my department.

394
00:19:14,285 --> 00:19:16,788
but the money... the women.

395
00:19:16,788 --> 00:19:20,325
you wanted your life back
just the way it was.

396
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:22,644
well, that's what you've got.

397
00:19:22,644 --> 00:19:24,495
and i hope you're satisfied.

398
00:19:26,464 --> 00:19:27,715
sorry about your job.

399
00:19:27,715 --> 00:19:30,218
that's the way it goes.

400
00:19:30,218 --> 00:19:31,386
thanks, though.

401
00:19:31,386 --> 00:19:33,171
that makes two of us.

402
00:19:33,171 --> 00:19:36,174
i was just
getting used to it.

403
00:19:36,174 --> 00:19:38,726
not much can be done now,
i suppose.

404
00:19:38,726 --> 00:19:40,511
no, i suppose not.

405
00:19:44,032 --> 00:19:45,266
here.

406
00:19:47,151 --> 00:19:48,403
come here.

407
00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:54,125
archie:
look...

408
00:19:54,125 --> 00:19:55,226
i was thinking.

409
00:19:55,226 --> 00:19:57,312
if you were the guy in charge

410
00:19:57,312 --> 00:19:59,581
and i were you,
what would you do?

411
00:19:59,581 --> 00:20:02,216
maybe you'd tell me
i was off the air

412
00:20:02,216 --> 00:20:03,351
so i'd think i was,

413
00:20:03,351 --> 00:20:07,055
but i'm really on television
without knowing it.

414
00:20:07,055 --> 00:20:11,359
this way, i'd go back
to acting normal--

415
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:14,162
which is what everyone wants
in the first place.

416
00:20:20,251 --> 00:20:22,136
well, then, john.

417
00:20:22,136 --> 00:20:23,388
good luck.

418
00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:25,890
break a leg, as they say.

419
00:20:36,217 --> 00:20:39,220
my, but isn't it
a wonderful day.

420
00:20:40,888 --> 00:20:45,843
(humming "me and my shadow")

421
00:20:55,153 --> 00:20:56,404
the next time you think

422
00:20:56,404 --> 00:20:58,272
people are talking about you
behind your back,

423
00:20:58,272 --> 00:21:02,343
or a happy coincidence seems
a little too good to be true,

424
00:21:02,343 --> 00:21:05,079
check behind
the bathroom mirror

425
00:21:05,079 --> 00:21:08,666
or see if there are any
channels missing from your tv.

426
00:21:08,666 --> 00:21:09,851
it just might be

427
00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:12,403
that john selig's ratings
have dropped

428
00:21:12,403 --> 00:21:14,072
and you've become a star

429
00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:20,595
in the phosphor-dot world
of the twilight zone.